This is a great tip that I use when confronted with difficult situations. It is the simplest technique you will learn in the Personal Success Handbook and yet it is one of the most powerful ones. It is called Low ‘n’ slow, and all you need to do is to speak in a very low tone and at a slower pace.

If you lower you tone by one or two levels you will disarm the situation. Determine your level of speaking normally and mark the level out of 10, where 10 is shouting and 0 is not speaking. Practice going up and down the scale until you know what number you speak at normally. Now all you do is lower your voice one to two levels. For example if you find your normal voice tone is level six on your scale then during confrontation or conflict, lower your tone by two levels. Use the same technique for your speed of speaking, with level 10 being nearly garbled it is so fast and 0 is not speaking.

Practice your low ‘n’ slow often so that when you really need to call upon the skill you can do so quickly and easily without causing any offence. It should be seamless as you drop from normal to the lower level and slower speed. The change in tone and speed works in two areas; one it gives your subconscious a signal that you are in control and there is no need to panic (no need to release the adrenalin into your system), and two, it signals to the other people that you are not going to be confrontational and yet you are also strongly in control.

Usually when we are afraid, angry, incensed, enraged, cross, furious or feeling any other passionate negative emotional response our voice announce this to the world. Your voice can become high and squeaky, loud and caustic or any variation other than your normal voice and by controlling your response to low ‘n’ slow you control the situation and do not reveal your emotionally weakened position. It gives you flexibility and time to think things through and also it can disperse that very negative ‘butterflies in the stomach’ response.

By following these tips you will more often than not gain the outcomes that you desire. If you have a volatile personality, please do whatever it takes to keep your temper under control because you lose respect and negotiating options along with your temper. Learn the anchoring technique in the Self Success chapter of the same book, to gain confidence, calmness and control. A loss of temper reflects badly on your own maturity and emotional stability and could make the other person more determined not to be with you! Avoid making a threat in the heat of the moment and, if you feel that threats are the only recourse open to you (they rarely are), then never threaten an action that you are not willing and able to follow through. When you stay cool, calm and collected you retain the upper hand and at the same time keep all your options open. Remember Low ‘n’ slow and steady as you go!

Extract taken from The Personal Success Handbook by Curly Martin.